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Liand

Liand, looking as sharp-eyed and intelligent as ever, outside his Stonedownor dwelling.

Liand is a stereotypical dewy-eyed orphan farmboy who longs to discover the existence of a wondrous world of magic beyond the ken of humdrum duties, and to abandon the mucking-out of stables and other such exciting activities to tag along an older, wise wizard and traipse joyfully through the wonders of fairyland. Sadly, much to his misfortune, he meets Linden Avery instead, who although older, is certainly not wise, but definitely weepy.

The outcome of this ill-starred meeting is that Liand - who although he'd die before admitting it, starts off by thinking that Linden is for some God-unknown reason a bit of a MILF - decides to accompany her through a grim-dark fantasy realm where tropes become twisted upside down and inside out (ǝdoɹʇ), where raving Sandgorgons trample dragon eggs and magical swords end up in the ham-fists of non-compos mentis Giants.

Such is Liand's long-lasting and awestruck adoration of Linden that not even her incessant snotty blubbing and incapability of actually doing anything useful is enough to quell his youthful hero-worship. He's always there, wide-eyed and gormless, with a box of Kleenex when she needs one... which is pretty much all the time. That boy really needed to get out more.

Eventually, even though he's as dumb as a box of rocks, Liand realizes that Linden's never going to get it on with him - she's only interested in older, gaunter men and preferably those with leprosy. So a girl more age-appropriate, namely Pahni of the Ramen, moves on in to hook up with him. Sadly though, Liand never quite loses his inexplicable yet unquenchable adoration of Linden, so you just know it's never going to end well for him. Are you getting that feeling of "sacrificial lamb"... or in Liand's case "sacrificial ox"?

Appearance and CharacterEdit

Of stocky and muscular build (hey, there's precious little else to do in a Stonedownor village, apart from lift rocks), Liand has a mop of unruly black hair and thick eyebrows. With glasses and a scar on his forehead, he might resemble a Harry Potter on mild steroids. He wears one of those famous Land Tunics™ already in fashion 10,000 years back, i.e. a nondescript baggy garment leaving but a vague smear of memory across the reader's mind.

In a standard case of "eager puppy" syndrome, Liand believes everything that Linden blabs (not that she lies, but one should always practice critical thinking upon meeting a disheveled stranger yammering about precious magical rings), to the point of aiding her to escape the Stonedown village where the foul Masters of the Land have imprisoned her. Later, he experiences many an ooh-moment while meeting an array of fantastic creatures in various states of bloodthirstiness, and discovers his burgeoning talents with orcrest. Which is not a comfy lounge for exhausted orcs, but a type of thaumaturgic mineral.

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